The Chance Was Gone
by This Is Sarcasm
Summary: There was a day where Feltroc was filled with despair above all things. The day she killed Caiatl. The day she nearly killed Jarus. The only day she pained, because her chance... it was gone.


Feltroc stared at Caiatl from under her hood. Her single eye was dead of the boast and cheer she normally took to battle. This kill was improtant, but she was indifferent, both to the life she was taking, and to the reward she was getting for it.

She looked down to find her hand clutching at her midriff again. She shut her fist, turned on her heel, and walked away swiftly to set up her sniper's nest as the crowd continued sheering for it's pilots. _How lucky she is, to have been born at all... and here I am, to take her out of this world._

 _Just as her mother put her into it._

She would entertain such thoughts for today, and today only. Halfway up the stairs of the building she'd chosen, she bent double with pain, clutching her chest. Jarus' word rang in her ears, ans she shut her eye.

 _"You aren't healed; let me do this." he insisted._

 _"I'm perfectly fine, Jarus; besides, I don't need to run in order to snipe." she told him airily. The Sindu grabbed her arm, and she almost sent him flying with a blast of psionic energy. She managed to restrain herself, and relaxed her muscles._

 _"I wasn't talking about your physical wounds." he told her gently. She met his brown, slit-pupil gaze with shock. "I overheard what Calus told you. Don't pretend there is no pain."_

 _This time, she did throw him. A little too hard, if the crunch of bone was speak for her actions. But Jarus still drew breath, so she wasn't going to feel too sorry for him._

 _He is too soft for a Shadow; Calus should just kill him._ She thought coldly. Oh, no... she didn't want to see Jarus dead, not really; he was the only one of the Shadows who knew what 'fun' was, in his own, meek way. Speeding at unsafe velocities through asteroid fields while laughing like a couple of maniacs in his ship was almost as fun as a challenging shot. Not quite the same rush, but that was probably because Jarus was the pilot, his ship was Calus' best, and there was no doubt to any wise mind that they would get through safely, no matter what stunt she demanded to be pulled.

She took a deep breath and continued. The wounds were healing. She could defeat stairs, if not close combat. Stairs were easy.

 _"Don't pretend there is no pain."_

Many months ago, she had decided it was that time in her life; time to find a male to court. Calus had disproved, aggrieved that she would be so occupied not only with being bonded, but with the task of eventually raising her young. She had pointed out to him the opportunity to pass her psionic skill down to others, and still he had not been pleased. She decided that, for once, her Emperor's displeasure would be worth it. He had already denied her the chance of being a Chancellor; if he didn't realize a child with her abilities passed to him or her would be the next best thing he could get, that was just too bad.

She set up her rifle. She'd borrowed this one, and it was nothing like what she was used to, but it was the only gun that had ever wounded her, so it had to be good enough to get this job done.

 _"Don't pretend there is no pain."_

It was ironic and proper, though; it was Caiatl's soldiers that had ambushed her during a very simple fight. Oh, she'd flayed their minds and shot them through the eyes, but then came that one idiot with a belt of grenades who though he was a hero...

She was certain it was Rull that found her. She _wasn't_ sure how the Clipse had managed to keep her entrails from falling out while he rushed her to the _god's Will_. She liked him, he was a good shot, and they had an understanding, but he wasn't that bright, and he certainly was no field medic, so in hindsight, it was nothing short of a miracle she was still alive.

She saw Caiatl's ship lift into the sky, and for a moment, it was not the crimson of the Red Legion, but the shining gold, white, and purple ship that was, by all accounts, Jarus' baby.

 _"Do not pretend there is no pain."_

 _She heard the struggled gasp behind her, but did not turn to help the Sindu. He had no right to speak to her of the... situation, Calus had revealed to her. what the grenades had done to her, on the inside._

 _"Feltroc..." Jarus pleaded, voice hitched with pain. "Don't hurt yourself!"_

 _"SHUT UP!" she screamed, turning on him. He clutched his head as she whipped his mind as a punishment, and the lights in the hanger fluckered and blew out in showers of sparks. "You know nothing, Sindu! Nothing!"_

When she returned, she would beg his forgiveness. And she wouldn't hurt herself.

She had Caiatl's ship in her sights, and thought it proper, perhaps cruel irony, that she should be the one to kill Calus' daughter, when he was the one who had told her she could never bear children. That her chance at motherhood, a chance she had taken so for granted before, was gone.

She took the shot. Moments later, Caiatl's engines exploded, and she went down in a fiery blaze. With that bullet, went Feltroc's grief, and pain, to be locked away forever into memory.

* * *

 _I guess I AM warming up for a bigger crossover universe; I'm writing non-canon backstory! I won't reveal what it's a crossover with until I'm certain it;s going to happen, and if it doesn't, these can just stay up as little snippets and fun little oneshots. Well, not fun. Rull and Feltroc's stories are hardly fun...the Shadows have angsty situations..._

 _Maybe I could do something stupid with Sekris?_

 _Fare Thee Well!_


End file.
